What's the Story Morning Glory?

Here is the sad truth:

You can't have people do your dirty work.

When I heard about the fact that my school had a program that not only found me an internship, but also found me an internship overseas, I jumped at the idea. Not only would I be back across the pond, but they would also be handling all the heartache and trouble that goes with finding an internship.

Reality struck me 2 days ago when once again I wasn in tears at the end of the day. I don't cry that much so to have had 2 sobfests in the span of less than 2 weeks. Well, we will just say that I could no longer deny what my body was saying. I am miserable.

It is not that I miss home. I mean I do, but not in a way that would make me cry. I email my friends, which is more than I did when I was at home so clearly they have no pull on this. The Viv and Bob are amazing. So all that is left is the internship.

And it is true. This was supposed to be an internship in the area of Advertising and Marketing. This is why I had to turn down the Enterprise internship because it did not relate to the area. I have done a few things in my Ad/Marcom area, but mainly have been doing the things that people are too lazy to do. I know that interns take some of the shit jobs, and I was prepared for that. What I was not prepared for was when my mentor Aileen, told me yesterday that I had finished all the projects that she had prepared for me and that I will now be spending 3 days a week in HR doing Admin work.

A bit of background before I continue. Aileen just got back from maternity leave about a week before I got in. She as out for 10 months - all paid. Whilst she was gone they did a reorganization of the company. They still havent filled in all the positions so things are a bit confusing at the current moment. Aileen was at first worried that she wouldn't be able to handle an intern, but then she was like, wait they can help me sort things and do my odd jobs. Good in theory. In reality it turned into me finishing up the odd jobs that she had and some others and her diving deeper and deeper into the whole company structure, which I can't help with. I asked. It was going to be that every friday I was in HR because Aileen is off and that was fine. One day a week of that was fine. But now that it has been made into 3 days and well that is when things go terribly wrong.

I am getting college credit for this internship. But inorder to get the credit I have to fill out papers and interview people and all this other stuff. If the internship is not in my major it doesnt count and then I am wasting 5 hours worth of summer credit. It also means that I will have to do another internship when I get home.

So here I sit, staring at Marlow having no idea what is going to happen. I called the IBIE people and explained all this to them and they said that they would look into it and try to fix it. I think that it is just a case of bad timing. Aileen is just getting back from 10 months away, she needs to get back into the swing of things. She is way to busy with organising herself that I am really just a burden. Which sucks. I have gone around to everyone and asked if they have work for me. Even HR is struggling to find me things to do. About 3/4 of my time there so far has been me sitting at my desk staring into nothingness.

I realize that this might be some peoples dream. To be overseas with a very easy internship and living with good people. Why am I complaining you ask. I am complaining because I want to learn. This was supposed to be my chance to see if infact I like the real world of advertising and marketing. If it is something that I can spend my life time doing. I mean, to do something in the classroom is one thing, but to be out in the world doing it, is so much different. I feel like this is all a waste of my time and that I can be so much more productive than I am being. The feeling of being useless is the worst one in the world.

Being helpless is also a bad one and right now, that one is plaging me too. I made the call yesterday and told them about everything. I felt bad doing it because Aileen has been so nice, but the truth is I can not go on like this for 6 more weeks. The peole at IBIE have gotten to know me very well so they knew that it was a bad situation when I was freaking out. I am not a freak out gal. I prefer to handle things myself. Sadly I tried that and it got me in HR 3 days a week.

From here they are going to try and find me another internship or try to salvage the one I have. If those options fail I have no choice but to go home. I really, really dont want to do that. That would be like giving up to me, and I hate giving up. But I really have no say I guess.

How do I explain it to people that I am home 6 weeks early? They are going to think so many things. I have a very gossipy family and am dreading facing them. The looks of 'I knew you would fail' are going to be smeared on faces of family and friends. As much as people love you they still are human and the competitor in us is still there.

Maybe their right. Maybe I have failed. Maybe what I was supposed to learn was that life is difficult at times and that we have to sit through the rain to get the flowers.